Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign.
[00:00:06] Speaker B: Welcome to the Second Row Conversations podcast. I'm Letitia, also known as Lady P. And I'm so excited that you've decided to join me today on the second row. So as I said last week, this is mental Health awareness Month. May is mental health awareness month. And so we are going to be talking all things mental health, making sure that you are healthy and mentally and you are taking care of yourself. Okay. So I am excited.
I have a repeat. Yes, I have a repeat guest. And today she is coming on at with her professional hat on.
And this is Nicole Cogdell. Quick. And so thank you so much for joining me again today. Thank you for having me. You're welcome.
[00:00:57] Speaker A: Always a pleasure.
[00:00:58] Speaker B: Thank you. I appreciate that.
For those of you who don't know, Nicole is a licensed professional counselor. She's an lpc. She has an LPC licensure and she is a school based therapist at Wilson High School.
[00:01:13] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:01:13] Speaker B: And so how long have you been practicing? How long have you been.
[00:01:17] Speaker A: I've had my license since 2004.
[00:01:20] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:01:21] Speaker A: And my supervisor's license since 2021.
[00:01:23] Speaker B: That's right. Because she's also an LPCS, so she can supervise other upcoming LPCS. So that is awesome.
[00:01:33] Speaker A: Thank you.
[00:01:34] Speaker B: That is really good. So thank you so much again for joining me today. So today we are going to talk about rest.
[00:01:42] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:01:43] Speaker B: And sacred rest. That's what we going to talk about a little bit. So it's making sure we're going to talk about how we are ensuring that we are resting, what that looks like, why we don't rest like we should.
And just some pointers, just some, some suggestions on how we can do that. So nothing hard. Nothing hard. I know you were like, what are we going to do? Nothing hard. All right. So we are going to unpack how rest is not just a break.
But I saw this and I was like, oh, yeah, that's good. It's not just a break, but a sacred rhythm given by God for our healing, peace and wholeness.
That's good.
[00:02:23] Speaker A: That's exactly what it is.
[00:02:24] Speaker B: That's exactly what it is. So do you agree with that? Do you have like your own definition of. Of rest or what that looks like? Or are you good with that? Like it's.
[00:02:33] Speaker A: I'm good with that.
[00:02:34] Speaker B: Sacred rhythm. Yeah.
[00:02:35] Speaker A: Yeah. So in studying like biblically and studying the Bible and. And just kind of about rest, because everything that we need to know is in the Bible created by God. And so that is something. How he made night and he made day, he made the seasons. He made the seven days and one day is supposed to be of rest. So he's very strategic. Strategic in what he did and how he created it. So I love that. I love that.
[00:03:01] Speaker B: That's good. It makes.
[00:03:02] Speaker A: Even more special.
[00:03:03] Speaker B: Yeah, Right?
[00:03:05] Speaker A: That's good.
[00:03:06] Speaker B: Intentional.
Yeah. It's. It's blessed by God. I think that's. That's another way to think of it. And I need to go back to. Because since we've been on the last time, Nicole is now. Is. Is also an ordained minister.
[00:03:21] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:03:21] Speaker B: Yes. So congratulations. Yes. So a lot has been happening. Life has been lifing, but in a good way.
[00:03:28] Speaker A: In a great way.
[00:03:28] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. So, okay. Just a few questions we're going to talk about. So why.
Why God calls us to slow down? Why? What. What does he want for us to. Why I'm getting tied to y' all. Why he wants us to slow down? What do you think? Why do you think he wants us to slow down? As just people in general. Do you. What are your thoughts on that?
[00:03:53] Speaker A: To be able to enjoy life.
[00:03:54] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:03:55] Speaker A: To be able to enjoy what's around us. To be able to concentrate, have a clear mind.
[00:04:02] Speaker B: Right.
[00:04:02] Speaker A: And not be cluttered. Not have the cluttered mind. Right. Cluttered room, Cluttered mind.
[00:04:07] Speaker B: Yes. Yes.
[00:04:09] Speaker A: To be able to be peaceful. To be peaceful.
[00:04:12] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:04:12] Speaker A: I think that's important.
[00:04:13] Speaker B: So what does that look like for you, spiritually and emotionally? What does rest look like for you?
[00:04:20] Speaker A: Rest.
Not struggling.
[00:04:24] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:04:25] Speaker A: Not a. Don't feel like I'm fighting or pushing against something. It's just kind of like a natural flow. Just kind of almost like a sweet surrender. Just kind of riding the wind or riding the wave and just enjoying.
[00:04:39] Speaker B: In a good spot. In a good spot.
[00:04:41] Speaker A: A calmness. Even though things may not be calm around, but just being able to be calm and just flow. Yeah. That.
[00:04:49] Speaker B: It's almost like.
Because I love listening to the ocean, and it's almost like a serenity. Kind of feel like it takes you to another spot. Even though everything is going around you, chaos is around you, it just takes you to that place of just peace.
[00:05:05] Speaker A: Peace.
[00:05:06] Speaker B: During the COVID when we were working at school and it was a lot. That was a chaotic time.
[00:05:13] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:05:13] Speaker B: Not just because of COVID but, you know, academically trying to make sure everybody's good and Right.
I would be in my office and I would turn on ocean sounds. I would just go to YouTube, put ocean sound. And that just. It calmed me.
[00:05:26] Speaker A: Right.
[00:05:26] Speaker B: It put me in that space because it was chaotic and it was a lot of. I Don't know what to do, where to go, who to talk. Like, I just. It was so much trying to figure it out, but that gave me that peace that I needed. So. Yeah, that's. That's what I think of when, you know, just in that sense of calmness, Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:05:44] Speaker A: I think when you said that, like, wind chimes, and I love the wind chimes, even though, like.
But it's just a ding, ding, ding. It's a calm. It's a noise, but it's a calm.
No, it's like.
[00:05:56] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly, exactly.
So why do you think rest is often undervalued in the Christian. In Christian culture?
Or do you think it is?
[00:06:11] Speaker A: I do, I do. I think we are a culture, spiritually, religiously, that we're constantly supposed to do.
The more we do, the better we are.
And I believe we have that mixed up. So I think we are to be productive, but not busy. Just because you're busy doesn't mean you're being productive. And so there's a difference. And sometimes in order for us to be productive, we have to be rested enough so we can be productive, so we can move forward and get things done. But when we're just busy, we're just spinning our wheels and we're just going around. And guess what? We're tired.
[00:06:48] Speaker B: We're tired. And we're not getting anything being accomplished, right?
[00:06:50] Speaker A: Not at all. But frustrated. You get more frustrated because you're doing a lot, but you're really not accomplishing a lot.
[00:06:57] Speaker B: Yeah. And we all know people, busy bodies, busy bodies. We've all seen it. And yeah, it looks as if they're being productive and they're just in this and that. But really, is anything getting done?
[00:07:08] Speaker A: Right?
[00:07:09] Speaker B: Is anything? And is God pleased with what you're doing? Because if he's giving us a purpose, are we being. Are we fulfilling that purpose or.
[00:07:19] Speaker A: Looking like we're doing that?
[00:07:20] Speaker B: Looking like, are we on the front, right?
[00:07:23] Speaker A: Are we. Are we gaining anything from it? So in worship, are we actually worshiping or are we working to get worshipers involved? You know, is it the. It's the job, but it's.
What are you doing? What's the. What's the purpose? What are you getting out of?
[00:07:38] Speaker B: What are you getting out and what.
[00:07:39] Speaker A: Are you getting into exactly? Are you doing it because out of tradition, this is how the order of services, or are we actually getting what we need? Are we taking a moment to stop going through protocol to be able to get exactly what we need? So. And we have to learn that in life, too.
[00:07:56] Speaker B: Yes, we do.
[00:07:57] Speaker A: You know, take those breaks, you know, because guess what? The body will shut down. They're like, I'm not today is. No, we're not doing that. You can, but I'm not. So you can try without me. But let's see how far you get.
[00:08:09] Speaker B: Exactly. Your body will tell you, oh, yeah, it's time. If you don't listen to it, it will sit you down.
[00:08:14] Speaker A: Oh, yeah. One of God's greatest creations is our body. And it talks to us. So we are to listen or learn how to listen to our bodies and act accordingly. You know, respond accordingly.
So, you know, if we, in a panic, stop hyperventilating, you can't catch your breath. What does the body do? It shuts it down for you. So you pass out. And once you pass out, you start to breathe regularly. That's good, you know, so it just. It automatically.
The body is a naturally healing.
I won't say machine, but it is a naturally healing.
Whatever God has created it to be.
But it's just perfect, you know, And God is just.
[00:08:58] Speaker B: And God was strategic, doing just what he did with our bodies. Just like you said. That is. I've never thought about that. But it will shut it down. Shut it down so that you can get your breathing back and get back to the center and focus. Refocus, refocus. Right, right, right.
[00:09:15] Speaker A: And if you're sick, what do you do? You get an infection somewhere. And what happens? The white blood cells start to naturally start to heal, start to work to kill the disease. You know, when we're in comas. Why do they put us in comas? Whether it's a medically induced coma or whether it's a.
Whatever. Not a medically, but accidental, I guess.
[00:09:34] Speaker B: Right, right, right.
[00:09:35] Speaker A: Coma. It gives your body time to rest.
Even after, you know, surgery. They may put you in a coma to help your body rest.
So you're not fighting. You don't have to worry about breathing, you don't have to worry about eating. You don't have to worry about getting up. It's a natural form of rest and.
[00:09:53] Speaker B: Recovery, and it's absolutely needed.
And God knew that. Yes, because he knew we'd get caught up in our flesh and start doing and being and everything.
And he knew that is something that we will need as a human.
[00:10:10] Speaker A: Human. Yeah. Right.
[00:10:12] Speaker B: So that is definitely important. That is so. I never thought about it like that. But that's. That's really good.
And I was going to say too, when we're busy bodies Are we helping other people too? Right. So if we're in doing. Doing so much and again, not fulfilling that purpose because the purpose he gives us is not just for us, is to.
Of the kingdom.
[00:10:34] Speaker A: Exactly.
[00:10:35] Speaker B: So are we building the kingdom by being busy bodies and doing it? Are we hindering the kingdom?
[00:10:41] Speaker A: Exactly. Are we being a help or a hindrance?
[00:10:43] Speaker B: A hindrance.
[00:10:43] Speaker A: And what did I say? I like to help and not hinder. Right.
[00:10:48] Speaker B: And not be a hinder.
Exactly. Right, right, right.
[00:10:52] Speaker A: And we have to. Are we helping so much that we're getting in the way or are we actually helping? Sometimes the helping is getting out of the way. So you just have to know. Know your place and your purpose and walk in it.
[00:11:03] Speaker B: And walk in it.
[00:11:04] Speaker A: Walk in it.
[00:11:04] Speaker B: And walk in it. Know yours. Not try to get caught up in what other people are doing or what other people are telling you that you need to know. Yeah. So my next question was going to be about the consequences of ignoring rest. But you've hit that. Like, if you don't rest, your body will shut down.
[00:11:20] Speaker A: It will.
[00:11:22] Speaker B: And you will be frustrated. You won't take it out on other people because you're aggravated and you're doing so much.
And nothing is getting accomplished.
[00:11:31] Speaker A: Nothing's getting accomplished. It messes with. It's important for brain. For your brain.
So for the frontal, I'm talking medical stuff now, but like the prefrontal lobe is the executive functioning. As far as if we don't get enough rest, our inhibitions are low. That means that we're not making good decisions. That means we may be acting on impulse or on emotion. And so therefore we are not thinking things through.
And guess what? When we are upset, we say things and we do things that we really don't mean. If we had the right rest, you know, and sometimes that could lead to mental illness as well. Because if the brain is not resting, it has to be rest, get rest in order to recharge.
[00:12:14] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:12:14] Speaker A: And so if it's not being recharged, we're running on fumes and hallucinations and delusions and paranoia. So a lot of things kick in. And it's not just. And these may sound extreme, but these are like everyday things. If someone goes without sleep for a while, they become delirious.
Very delirious. And the brain is so amazing and very powerful, but it just needs that rest.
Yeah, your body just needs the rest. The whole thing just.
Yeah.
[00:12:50] Speaker B: And it's not just sleeping. I think too there's a difference. So, yes, you can sleep, but if Your mind is not resting. Right. So there in our house, we.
We have an issue. I say issue because my husband likes to leave the TV on all night.
And. And I tell him I can tell when the TV, like, if I go to sleep first and the TVs on, I'm dream everything that's on the TV. You're dreaming. I'm dreaming. And my mind is resting because I'm interacting. That's what it feels like with whatever's on the tv.
[00:13:23] Speaker A: Exactly.
[00:13:23] Speaker B: And that's important. That's, I think, why. You know, a lot of research has been shown. You know, turn your TVs off, don't look at your phone before you go to sleep. Like, have a ritual where you journaling, maybe, or there's no light because the light from the phone can affect your sleep pattern.
[00:13:41] Speaker A: Exactly.
[00:13:42] Speaker B: All of those things. So that's why you need to turn off the lights, turn off the tv and allow your mind to rest. Because if not, you start thinking about all the things you for the day, what you got to do tomorrow. At least that's for me. I know. Those are things that I deal with. Like, okay, I got to do this, this, this, this, and this. I got to make sure. Oh, I didn't do this today. I forgot to email that parent. Oh, I forgot. Your mind will constantly be going. And if you. Even though you're laying down, if your mind isn't resting, then you're not resting.
[00:14:13] Speaker A: Not resting.
[00:14:14] Speaker B: You're not resting.
[00:14:14] Speaker A: Wake up just as tired as you did when you laid down.
[00:14:17] Speaker B: And you go, what?
[00:14:18] Speaker A: And be mad.
Wake up mad.
[00:14:22] Speaker B: Wake up mad, because you're not. You're not resting. So.
All right, so I'm going to read real quick Matthew. And I didn't bring my Bible, but I got my phone. Matthew 11:28. And it reads, this is Jesus talking. Come to me all. All you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
So Jesus talked about it. He modeled it.
[00:14:53] Speaker A: He did.
[00:14:55] Speaker B: And last week I talked about how, you know, it was hard for him because he was out here, you know, trying to get rest, and the folks would follow him.
[00:15:05] Speaker A: Go out on the water. Why y' all out here with me?
Let's go up in the mountains. Yes, they're waiting now.
[00:15:13] Speaker B: And it was hard for him, but he even knew that it was important to get rest.
[00:15:18] Speaker A: Yeah, because when people pull from you, I mean, they can really pull from you and drain you. And if they drain you so much, you don't have anything to give. And so you can't get from an empty cup.
So. And what we call introverts and extroverts. So some people get energy off of others. So the extroverts, they. The more they're with people, the more energy they get. Introverts, the more they're with people, the more draining it is. Like, please.
[00:15:45] Speaker B: Janiyah would say her social media is, like, on negative. Like, my. Okay, I just need some time alone. And I don't know if that's being an only child or. Because, you know, as an only child, you can just go and have your own quiet time. You play.
But it's like, ooh. And I even know with me, and. Cause I was the only girl, and I knew for me, I needed that, too.
So it's hard sometimes, especially when you're married. Like, I just need just a few minutes.
[00:16:13] Speaker A: Just a few minutes.
[00:16:14] Speaker B: You know, Just a few minutes.
[00:16:15] Speaker A: But in the car or sit in the bathroom for those little moments.
[00:16:22] Speaker B: Even now when I pull up at the house. And sometimes I just sit in the car.
[00:16:26] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:16:27] Speaker B: Just to kind of get my mind right for it going in the house and all the things. Right.
What you doing? One time I did that, y' all. One time I did that. And Jeremy and Gideon, our fur baby, they both came out. It was like Gideon was looking like, what are you doing? And Jeremy was like, why are you sitting in the car? Because I just need a few minutes.
[00:16:46] Speaker A: Now we got to start over because you interrupted that time.
[00:16:51] Speaker B: But people. If people are always pulling on you.
[00:16:54] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:16:55] Speaker B: Then you don't have. You need that time to rest because you need that time to recharge.
And then I can help. I can be the help and not the hindrance.
[00:17:04] Speaker A: Right.
[00:17:05] Speaker B: But it's important to understand. And it's important for people to understand, too. When you're pulling on a person so much, it can become overwhelming mentally. It can. Because if you are always the one, you know, putting out the fires and always the one, everyone comes to ask questions.
[00:17:22] Speaker A: Mm.
[00:17:23] Speaker B: They need their time.
[00:17:24] Speaker A: Right. Right.
[00:17:25] Speaker B: Because it's not gonna be good for that person. They're gonna have a breakdown.
And we've heard stories of people having mental breaks because it's been too much.
[00:17:35] Speaker A: Right.
[00:17:36] Speaker B: Right. So it is important to know your. Yourself and set boundaries.
[00:17:42] Speaker A: Set boundaries.
[00:17:42] Speaker B: We'll talk a little bit more. Yeah. Set boundaries to know that I need this time, whatever that looks like.
[00:17:48] Speaker A: And it's okay.
[00:17:48] Speaker B: And it's okay.
[00:17:49] Speaker A: And it's okay. Because then I'm taking care of me.
I got to take care of me.
[00:17:54] Speaker B: Right. It's only one of me.
[00:17:55] Speaker A: It's only one.
[00:17:56] Speaker B: Yes, yes, yes, yes. All right, so let's talk about emotional and spiritual burnout, y' all. I got my little green notebook again. Oh, I got my green notebook again. For cuz. Green is for mental health. Well, wellness.
[00:18:13] Speaker A: Yay. Yay. Oh, yeah.
[00:18:14] Speaker B: Yeah. Yes. All right.
So kind of personal. You can say, I don't want to talk about, but have you ever experienced burnout?
[00:18:23] Speaker A: I have.
[00:18:23] Speaker B: Especially spiritual. Okay.
[00:18:24] Speaker A: Oh, yeah.
[00:18:25] Speaker B: Yeah. What are some of the warning signs either in your. And I say burnout, but like in your faith walk, in your mission, or just life period. Have you experienced burnout, and what did that look like for you?
[00:18:37] Speaker A: I can say, I guess in my personal life or even professional life as far as just tired.
Just mentally tired.
So much to do, can't catch up, don't have the energy, don't have the patience with my students or my patients in the.
In the moment. Just like, I really, really.
I really don't.
But Lord, give me the strength. That's what I'm here for today. Let me do that. And it may be just. Okay, you're feeling this way. So maybe you shouldn't see as many people today or you need to take a walk.
Go take a walk. Just get up and move around. Or it's okay to sit in the office in the dark for about five minutes just because the light can. For me, the light will suck the energy from me. I don't know how it happens. I'm like, I feel so tired.
But if I turn the light off.
[00:19:36] Speaker B: You recharging?
[00:19:37] Speaker A: I'm recharging.
[00:19:38] Speaker B: It's a recharge. Yeah, that's the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:19:40] Speaker A: So just. Yeah, but just.
Just don't feel like it. Just don't. Just. Just tired. Just tired and very, you know, frustrated. Frustration tolerance is very low. Okay, so just patience is very short.
Irritated, really quick.
[00:19:58] Speaker B: And then the kids will be like, what's wrong with you? Right.
[00:20:08] Speaker A: Ms. Quick is just having a day.
[00:20:09] Speaker B: Right.
[00:20:10] Speaker A: Just give me a moment. Okay, now what do I tell you? Tell me because I need some encouragement today. Yes, I do. Tell them that. So tell me some. Help me. I need some encouragement today. And I'm like, what?
Help me.
[00:20:22] Speaker B: Exactly, exactly.
[00:20:23] Speaker A: But no. So, yeah, just that or yeah, so burnout. I'm trying to think. Just in some days, not as many, not as often now, but formally, whenever I would get burnout with work, I was like, I'm just going to be an accountant. I just work with numbers instead of working with People. Okay.
[00:20:40] Speaker B: So I'm not the only one to think.
[00:20:42] Speaker A: No. So anytime I was like, just be an accountant. Okay. You need to get your life together, and you're good because this is what you're called to do.
[00:20:50] Speaker B: But just many days I'm just like, you know, why did I decide to go into a field where I have to talk to people. People all the time? I should have just gone into something where it was just me and the computer and I can just. Yeah, because you get to that point where you are tired mentally. Yes, tired.
And it's overwhelming sometimes to help people deal with what they're going through. And we take that on.
[00:21:15] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:21:15] Speaker B: And that can cause burnout.
[00:21:18] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:21:18] Speaker B: As well.
[00:21:19] Speaker A: Definitely. Definitely.
Spiritually, I think when I get unfocused and focus more on people and their behaviors versus the Word or how I can my spiritual walk. So there's this story about, I think someone said, you know, they don't go to church because how the people are da, da, da. And. And so they're like, well, what I want you to do is fill up a cup of water, and I want you to walk around the church three times without spilling the water. And then they did it. And then they're like, well, what was the difference? Or whatever. Do you spill any water? Or what was the difference? And it was like, well, I was focusing on not spilling the water. And it's more about focusing on what you're there for versus being distracted by what other people are doing.
So just remembering what my purpose is, you know, why am I here if I'm getting frustrated about something that's going on that other people are doing, or they may not be behaving in a way that I would like them to.
It's more that I'm trying to fulfill something for my flesh or that I'm putting my personal expectations on them and not being able to love them with the love of God. And that means I need to go back and recheck myself to figure out what happened. And let's clean that up.
[00:22:40] Speaker B: That's good.
[00:22:40] Speaker A: Clean that up.
[00:22:42] Speaker B: And I think to so to go along with that is especially if you've been working with someone and you're trying to help them get closer to Christ and they still just fighting you on every hand. It's just like, you want to throw up your hands, go, I'm not doing this anymore. But again, you have to be focused and come back and go, what's the purpose?
[00:23:04] Speaker A: And it's not about me.
[00:23:05] Speaker B: It's not about me.
[00:23:05] Speaker A: You have to meet a person where they are and love them where they are.
And we may not even see the full product or the full result.
We just know that we're planting the seed.
[00:23:17] Speaker B: Right.
[00:23:17] Speaker A: One plant in the seed. Yeah. One waters. God gives it increase. Yep, that's it.
[00:23:22] Speaker B: And we have to remember that.
[00:23:24] Speaker A: We have to. And it's not about us.
[00:23:25] Speaker B: It's not about us.
[00:23:26] Speaker A: It is not about us. We are just vessels being used.
And God is gonna use us in the way that he needs us. And just like he told David, he used David for what he needed him for. David said, lord, I love you so much. I wanna build you this temple.
[00:23:39] Speaker B: He.
[00:23:39] Speaker A: And he was like, that's not. Nope, nope. I don't want. I don't want you to do it.
[00:23:44] Speaker B: Like, no, you don't want me to.
[00:23:46] Speaker A: Do it, but I want to. I love you so much.
[00:23:49] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:23:49] Speaker A: No, that's for your son to do. That's for Solomon to do.
[00:23:53] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:23:53] Speaker A: And so we have to learn, like, where we stop and where he begins the next. You know, so things like that. Just knowing that if we're ever working harder than the person we're trying to help, we're doing it for our own selves and not them.
Yeah.
[00:24:08] Speaker B: Okay.
Sit on that for a minute.
Let that marinade move.
All right?
Yeah, yeah. You have to remember that, because if not, then that's when you get to the spiritual burnout.
[00:24:22] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:24:23] Speaker B: It can cause you to have burnout. Right, right, right, right.
[00:24:25] Speaker A: Even with my, like, students, if I'm getting frustrated with them, like, why are you getting frustrated? It's not about the goal you want, even though I may see the potential, but where are they and what are they willing to do? And sometimes you just have to sit. And other times it's like, okay, well, I've taken you as far as I can take you.
Maybe you need to go try something else or, this is as far as I can take you. And I have to be okay with that because I can't fix everybody.
[00:24:55] Speaker B: And I think that is another area that those of us who love the Lord and work, we have to remember. We can't. That's not what we are here. God does that.
[00:25:06] Speaker A: Not by might, not by power, but my spirit is the Lord.
[00:25:11] Speaker B: That's good. Yes, yes. Thank you. That's good.
And so I think you kind of answer, how can the church better support those experiencing. No, we've been talking about, how can the church, you think, help those who are experiencing burnout? If you see your sister, your brother struggling, be patient okay.
[00:25:30] Speaker A: Be encouraging.
Remember when you weren't feeling at your best or when you couldn't.
You know, there have been times that I've been in a bad, bad, bad place. As Mrs. Said, I was in a bad place when I seen.
But in a bad place, but. And not able to pray for myself.
[00:25:54] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:25:54] Speaker A: And so definitely hoping that somebody was praying for me.
And then can't share everything with everybody. And so as in the Matthew 11:28 says, Come unto me all the air. Was it weary and heavy laden?
[00:26:15] Speaker B: Yep. Heavy laden. Yep.
[00:26:16] Speaker A: And I will give you rest.
[00:26:17] Speaker B: I give you. He. Yeah, yeah. Jesus said, I will give you rest.
[00:26:20] Speaker A: I will give you rest. We have to learn to rest in God.
Stop trying to do it on our own. Surrender.
What I've learned to do, or what I would say is, well, on the person's side is pray that I give up my will for the will of God. So not my will, but your will be done. God's will be done. And that's the perfect place to be, is in God's will.
And once we get in there and be like, this is gonna.
[00:26:52] Speaker B: Yes, I like this.
[00:26:54] Speaker A: This is good.
This is nice, you know, so one of the. That's what God. The perfect will of God is when we trust him. When we trust him, because he only has good intentions for us.
So thoughts of good and not of evil and give us a hope and a future. Yeah, there it goes. But for the ones who are struggling with burnout, what to do, be able to recognize it.
[00:27:23] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:27:24] Speaker A: Not to judge, to be encouraging.
We're in different transitions of our life. So the young lady who's just got married or been married for a couple of years, and you see that look on her face, she's like, I know, I know. May not be able to tell. It was like, you gonna be all right? And sometimes we have to share the testimony.
[00:27:45] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:27:45] Speaker A: You know, not just, you know, 20 years in, we, like, we got it. Baby with parenthood. Baby.
[00:27:54] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:27:55] Speaker A: It's gonna be okay.
[00:27:56] Speaker B: You're gonna get through it.
[00:27:57] Speaker A: And this is just part of the process.
[00:27:58] Speaker B: Right.
[00:27:59] Speaker A: And this builds you up. This is part of the process. You're gonna be okay. It's gonna be all right.
And we all mess up. We all mess up. We don't all have it perfect, but guess what? It's our journey.
[00:28:10] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:28:10] Speaker A: That's part of the journey.
[00:28:11] Speaker B: That's right.
[00:28:12] Speaker A: Our journey to the way, to the destination. So just being encouraging, being understanding, not always being the superhero, but being that support person.
I'm here for you. I see you. I'm praying for you. Anything I can do to help you, you know, just that. Whatever, you know, just. And that's for people who are helpers. I'm a helper, so I see things.
Well, this person could use this. Whatever. But for people who don't know how to help. I don't know. But.
[00:28:42] Speaker B: But you can be the one, you know, that's praying.
[00:28:45] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:28:46] Speaker B: Or the one.
Just send an encouraging word, you know, sometimes just getting a text.
[00:28:52] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:28:52] Speaker B: To say, hey, thought about you. Are thinking about you. Praying for you.
[00:28:56] Speaker A: Haven't seen you.
[00:28:57] Speaker B: Haven't seen you.
[00:28:58] Speaker A: Doing good.
[00:28:59] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:28:59] Speaker A: Thinking about you. Yeah.
[00:29:01] Speaker B: And sometimes that's all someone needs to know is that they're being thought of.
[00:29:05] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:29:05] Speaker B: That can make a difference. So you may not be the helper or, you know, I can go do this and do. You may just be that one sending that encouraging word. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's important.
All right. The next scripture, and this is a very. Oh, a very familiar one that I probably can just read quote from top of my head, but I'm not going to do that today.
The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want to.
[00:29:35] Speaker A: Yes. Yes.
[00:29:35] Speaker B: He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name sake. Yeah. Psalm 23:1 3. So imagine laying down in those green passions, how peaceful. Peaceful that would be next to a little stream of water.
That's what it's to rest in Jesus.
[00:30:09] Speaker A: And what did it say? He restores my soul.
That's the most inner part, the deep part.
Right door. So it's rest, relaxation, and restoration.
Come on, love that.
[00:30:23] Speaker B: What is it?
[00:30:25] Speaker A: Rest, relaxation and restoration.
[00:30:28] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:30:29] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:30:32] Speaker B: Burnout isn't failure. It's a call to pause. You agree to that?
[00:30:36] Speaker A: I agree. Yes.
[00:30:37] Speaker B: It's not failure. Doesn't mean that you are less than you aren't being what God wants you to be. It's just a time to pause, and you need to recognize it and know. Okay, I need to chill out for a little bit.
[00:30:51] Speaker A: It's the red flag. It's the red flag or the bright yellow orange flag that's waving black. Hey, might want to slow it down.
[00:31:00] Speaker B: You need to slow it down. You need to slow it down. All right, so let's talk about setting boundaries real quick.
What is the importance of setting boundaries regarding your peace, mentally?
What do you think the importance of that is?
[00:31:14] Speaker A: Setting boundaries. You have to protect your peace, and so we are responsible for that. And so in the Bible, and I know we're talking mental health, but in the Bible, it's talking about you have to pursue peace.
You have to pursue. So it's something you have to seek after at times.
And so, yeah, because life is. Life is gonna do what life is gonna do.
[00:31:41] Speaker B: It is.
[00:31:42] Speaker A: And we have to know how to stand in it. We have to know how to not get caught up in the storm of things.
You know, God's the disciples. They were in the ship and they were like, hey, hey, Jesus.
I know you're resting and all, sir, but we got a problem out here again. He was trying to rest, trying to rest. Y' all waking me up. Then what do you say? He a little faith. Hey, what the world. I'm on the ship with going nowhere. But so what do you say? Peace, be still.
Peace, be still. And so sometimes we just have to speak it.
Even though there are things that are being chaotic, we do not have to get caught up in that whirlwind.
We just have to know, okay, we don't have to get on the roller coaster or we can get. You know what? You can get off the roller coaster.
[00:32:30] Speaker B: You can.
[00:32:30] Speaker A: You can get off the merry go round.
[00:32:32] Speaker B: You can.
[00:32:32] Speaker A: You don't have to stay flying up there, getting dizzy.
[00:32:35] Speaker B: You don't have to get off, get off.
[00:32:37] Speaker A: And just take a pause and just like, yeah, I'm not gonna ride that today.
[00:32:41] Speaker B: No. You know, I'm beginning to start saying I just don't have the mental capacity to deal with that today or handle that today. Maybe tomorrow, maybe later, I can come back to it, but right now, I just. I just can't. That's. That's my new thing now, learning how to say it more. And it's not an excuse to not deal with things at the time. It's just if I add one more thing to my plate, right? So it's like the people juggling balance. Yeah.
[00:33:10] Speaker A: Gotta have balance.
[00:33:11] Speaker B: Gotta have balance. You have to.
[00:33:13] Speaker A: And you have to set boundaries in order to have balance.
Because if you don't, everything mushes together.
[00:33:19] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:33:19] Speaker A: And so we need to have the boundaries.
[00:33:22] Speaker B: Okay, so I told you about this earlier. I set a boundary last week.
[00:33:25] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:33:26] Speaker B: And it did not feel good.
[00:33:28] Speaker A: Do it afraid, girl. Do it afraid and stick with it. You did it. You passed the test.
[00:33:33] Speaker B: Right, right, right. So how do we get past that? I guess it's just keep practicing, keep practicing, keep practicing.
[00:33:41] Speaker A: And it's okay because it's that discomfort, but it's also in that growth that you're doing it. So we can't stay comfortable all the time. And we have to be able to grow and get out of our comfort zone and go from there. And then sometimes you might just be able to say no.
[00:34:00] Speaker B: So no without an explanation.
[00:34:02] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:34:03] Speaker B: Because no is a complete sentence.
[00:34:04] Speaker A: It is a complete sentence.
[00:34:05] Speaker B: I'm learning more and more about that.
But we. Yeah, it's. It's uncomfortable. Growth is uncomfortable.
[00:34:11] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:34:12] Speaker B: Right.
[00:34:13] Speaker A: Growing pains.
[00:34:14] Speaker B: Growing pain.
People talk about that. Growing pains.
[00:34:17] Speaker A: It's real.
[00:34:17] Speaker B: It is real. So we have to remember that. So I'm proud of you.
[00:34:22] Speaker A: That is amazing.
[00:34:23] Speaker B: Thank you. And some of you don't understand, but I have always been that girl, the yes girl that I will make it work. I will figure it out. I will make it happen.
And that was just not where I was at that day. On that day, I just knew that would have been. I would have burnt out.
[00:34:43] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:34:44] Speaker B: Mentally, I would have been burnt out.
[00:34:45] Speaker A: You would have been upset.
[00:34:46] Speaker B: And I would have been upset and upset with myself because why did I say yes?
[00:34:51] Speaker A: Yes.
People pleasing behaviors. And we are not supposedly people pleasers. This is be. What, God pleasers.
Yes.
Not to be busy bodies, but productive beings.
Yeah. Yeah. I have to remind myself of that too. So I'm like, what are you doing?
You know you're tired. Right? So.
[00:35:13] Speaker B: And it's okay to say I'm tired.
[00:35:15] Speaker A: It is.
[00:35:15] Speaker B: Is it really though?
[00:35:16] Speaker A: It is. I'm tired or. I don't want to.
I just want to sit down.
I. I don't want to participate. I just want to.
I just want to watch.
[00:35:28] Speaker B: That's hard. But especially for those of us who are people.
[00:35:31] Speaker A: Please. Jesus.
[00:35:32] Speaker B: But that's a. That's something that we work on.
If you're out there and you agree, say comment. Amen.
[00:35:39] Speaker A: Amen.
[00:35:39] Speaker B: Okay.
If you understand. Because we are. I don't know.
It's just hard.
[00:35:46] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:35:46] Speaker B: Some of us have just grown into that culture of people pleasing because I don't want people to be mad. I don't want anybody to be mad. But mentally, that's not healthy.
[00:35:55] Speaker A: True.
[00:35:55] Speaker B: You have to take care of yourself. And setting boundaries and saying no is important.
And.
[00:36:04] Speaker A: Another part to that is doing for others what you feel people don't do for you.
And so I don't know if that's a part of people pleasing, but it's more of. If I don't feel supported in a lot of things, I don't ever want anybody to feel unsupported. So therefore, if anything.
[00:36:23] Speaker B: Ooh, you struck a nerve. Okay.
[00:36:25] Speaker A: I'M that girl.
[00:36:26] Speaker B: I'm that girl. Cause I. Because I don't get the support or I don't feel supported, and I don't want people to feel like that.
[00:36:35] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:36:36] Speaker B: Because if it was me, I would want people to help me. And so I'm going to help you, no matter how uncomfortable it makes me or how tired I am.
Wow.
[00:36:48] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we had to. And again, we have to be careful. What is. What is our intent? What is our motivation? And a lot of times that's not our responsibility to fix other people or to do that for that purpose.
[00:37:02] Speaker B: So you helping me.
I don't know if you help anybody else, but that's the truth. Because, again, who are we trying to please? People of God.
[00:37:13] Speaker A: Right, right, right. Yeah.
[00:37:16] Speaker B: Jeremy preached about. And I'm gonna do some more research on it about acceptance, addiction.
[00:37:21] Speaker A: Yeah.
Yes.
[00:37:22] Speaker B: Yes. Yeah.
[00:37:23] Speaker A: That's the real thing.
[00:37:24] Speaker B: That is a real thing. And we may be talking about that soon, y' all. But that. When he said it, I'm like, ooh, yeah, That's.
[00:37:33] Speaker A: That's because it's the opposite of rejection and abandonment. And guess what? Nobody wants to be told no.
Nobody want. Because that's a form of rejection.
[00:37:42] Speaker B: Right.
[00:37:43] Speaker A: But really, if maybe I'm going too far.
[00:37:47] Speaker B: No, you're good. You're good.
[00:37:48] Speaker A: This is rejection. Sometimes we feel that no is rejection, but really, it could be a form of protection.
[00:37:53] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:37:54] Speaker A: And so it's not always. I said no because I don't want you to have it. I'm saying no. You can't drive because you don't know how to drive. You don't know how to manage a car.
[00:38:01] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:38:02] Speaker A: I'm not gonna give you my credit card because you don't know how to manage money. You know, I'm not gonna give you my time and my emotions because you don't know how to manage that.
Now, that hits something with me. You don't know how to manage that.
And if you don't know how to do it, I'm not going to. Just because you feel that you want to have access to me, my time and my energy, then I'm going to feel obligated to give that to you because it's going to hurt me in the end. So I have to protect myself. And that's going back to boundaries and going back to.
Yeah. About that. Acceptance, knowing what are we doing? What's our purpose? What is our intent? And what was the other thing? Abandonment. We don't like to be left.
Who wants to be left Nobody. If we remember Tina Turner, what's Love Got to Do With It?
[00:38:52] Speaker B: What?
[00:38:53] Speaker A: She would never leave Ike because her mama left her, and she was like, I don't want him to feel that way, Beating her to a pulp. But she would not leave because she did not want him to feel that abandonment that she felt as a child. So it's very. It goes very deep, and there's a lot to it, but it's all, you know, we gotta know what we're doing and why we're doing it, because a lot of times we don't know why we're doing it. And that's the importance of sitting with ourselves, resting our minds. And sometimes we don't like to rest because we get in our head and those thoughts start to come or we start to feel stuff we don't want to feel. We don't want to feel the feels.
We do not want to feel the feel.
[00:39:32] Speaker B: Quiet, then. I'm listening. I hear everything. We don't feel it. We don't want to feel it. So I will keep the noise going.
[00:39:38] Speaker A: I gotta go.
[00:39:39] Speaker B: I gotta go. I gotta keep busy. I gotta do this, this, this, this, and this. Because if I say, sit still, you know, our parents used to. Used to tell us, stop all that running around.
[00:39:47] Speaker A: Sit down. Sit still.
[00:39:50] Speaker B: You do it too much.
So. But sitting still means.
[00:39:59] Speaker A: Now I got it. What am I going to do with my hands?
[00:40:01] Speaker B: What am I going to do with my hands? What am I going to do with my feet? What I'm going to do? Yeah, yeah.
[00:40:05] Speaker A: And then you start touching yourself.
[00:40:06] Speaker B: Get your hands off.
Always touch it.
But you're right. If you sit still, then we have to. We feel all the feels, and it's not always comfortable.
[00:40:17] Speaker A: And we don't know what to do with them. So what do we do? Ignore them.
Yeah.
Yeah.
[00:40:24] Speaker B: And when you ignore the now, that's putting your mental health. It could put it in a spiral.
[00:40:28] Speaker A: Yep.
[00:40:28] Speaker B: It all ties together.
[00:40:29] Speaker A: All ties together.
[00:40:32] Speaker B: Okay, y' all.
Okay. What advice would you give to someone who's feeling guilty for resting?
And while you doing that, I'm pulling up my next.
[00:40:47] Speaker A: Okay.
What would I tell someone who feels guilty for resting?
[00:40:56] Speaker B: Okay, you kind of talked about it a little bit.
[00:40:58] Speaker A: Like, I mean, we all need it, so I don't. I don't want to give the advice, but it would be like.
What I would say is, why do you feel guilty of taking care of yourself?
Why? What. What's so bad about taking care of yourself? Because it's something that's needed and if you don't get rest, whether it's mental rest, physical health, physical, mental rest, you're not going to be very good to people, children. You yell at them more, you might start swinging at them a little more.
You know, you might start throwing stuff.
Just real bitter and real tired and real agitated all the time. Just mad at the world. So you deserve to rest.
[00:41:42] Speaker B: You deserve to rest.
[00:41:43] Speaker A: God wants you to rest.
[00:41:44] Speaker B: He does.
[00:41:45] Speaker A: He put that in the plan on purpose.
[00:41:47] Speaker B: He did.
Just for you and to go into this next scripture.
Exodus 20, verse 8 says, Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy six days you shall labor and do all of your work. But the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God. On it, you shall not do any work. Neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your male or female servant, nor your animals. You're not supposed to do it. You're not supposed to do anything. Just sit down. Sit.
[00:42:16] Speaker A: Sat down.
[00:42:16] Speaker B: Sat down.
[00:42:17] Speaker A: Sat down.
[00:42:17] Speaker B: Sit still.
[00:42:18] Speaker A: Sat down.
[00:42:18] Speaker B: I'm doing all that.
[00:42:19] Speaker A: Okay, sat down.
Just sit down.
[00:42:23] Speaker B: All right. And at the end, we. Because we are kind of close. This has been really, really good.
It's good. I don't want to stop it, but we gotta stop it. We can't. We might have to do a part two.
[00:42:32] Speaker A: Hey, I'm all about part two.
[00:42:34] Speaker B: Okay.
We might have to do a part two.
So what scriptures. Are there any scriptures that have helped you during your hard seasons?
[00:42:47] Speaker A: Okay. Yes. Okay.
One is okay. So learning to encourage myself. David said, you have to encourage yourself.
Another One is Jeremiah 29:11.
For I know the plans that I have towards you. Plans to prosper you and not harm you, but to give you a hope and a future.
And there's some studying behind that. But, you know, God told the Israelites that why they were in captivity.
[00:43:13] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:43:14] Speaker A: So we skip down to verse 11 and skip one new team and chapters one through 28.
But they're in captivity. And he was like.
[00:43:22] Speaker B: A lot going on.
[00:43:24] Speaker A: You're gonna be here for a minute.
[00:43:25] Speaker B: Mr. Dixon from my church. Tamil. Hey, T. Hey, girl. She did a whole study on that. We did a Bible study. And she talked about how we just go straight to.
[00:43:34] Speaker A: Straight to 11, 11.
[00:43:35] Speaker B: But we don't know all that was going on.
[00:43:39] Speaker A: Why did he say.
[00:43:40] Speaker B: Why did he tell us? Not tell him that there was a whole lot going on. Life was hard.
[00:43:45] Speaker A: Hard. It's gonna be hard.
[00:43:47] Speaker B: It's gonna be hard.
[00:43:47] Speaker A: You're gonna be here for a while.
[00:43:49] Speaker B: For years. It was a lot of, like, hundreds.
[00:43:51] Speaker A: Was that 400?
[00:43:51] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:43:52] Speaker A: I think so like 400 years or 70 years, I can't remember, don't quote me.
[00:43:55] Speaker B: Right.
It was a long time.
[00:43:58] Speaker A: He was like, get comfortable, go ahead. And instead of just other places, he would say picture tent. But he was like, build houses.
[00:44:04] Speaker B: Build houses.
[00:44:04] Speaker A: Go ahead and intermingle with the people.
[00:44:07] Speaker B: Plant your gardens and do.
[00:44:08] Speaker A: All of you're gonna be here for a minute.
[00:44:10] Speaker B: It's gonna be a minute.
[00:44:11] Speaker A: But I just want you to know that I haven't forgotten about you. That my plans are not to harm you, but to prosper you and give you hope in the future.
So no matter what I'm going through, whether it's self inflicted or whether it's part of the process, God has my best intentions at heart. And he's never gonna leave me, he's never gonna forsake me.
What's the other one to be anxious for nothing. But in all things, through prayer, supplication and thanksgiving, to make my request made known to God.
Hard times. Hard times.
The joy of the Lord is my strength.
[00:44:50] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:44:51] Speaker A: The joy of the Lord is my strength. This is the day that the Lord has made us rejoice and be glad in it is. I will bless the Lord at all times. His praise shall continually be. Be in my mouth. Oh yeah.
[00:45:04] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:45:05] Speaker A: When it come. Yes, yes, yes. No weapon formed against me shall prosper. Oh yeah.
[00:45:10] Speaker B: And you have to say those things.
[00:45:12] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:45:12] Speaker B: Write it down. Say it. Because that helps mentally.
[00:45:17] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:45:18] Speaker B: To kind of get your mind off of what you're going through. Right?
[00:45:21] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:45:22] Speaker B: And just focus on the goodness of the Lord.
[00:45:23] Speaker A: Goodness.
[00:45:24] Speaker B: Even in the hard times.
So mentally it may be a little chaotic. Mentally you may be struggling. But it's important to have those scriptures somewhere.
[00:45:36] Speaker A: Oh yeah.
[00:45:36] Speaker B: In your heart.
[00:45:37] Speaker A: In your heart.
[00:45:38] Speaker B: Right.
[00:45:38] Speaker A: In your heart.
[00:45:39] Speaker B: Right, right. Those words on the tablets of my heart. Sometimes you have to put it right there. Have a song in your spirit. Because on those hard days, mentally, when you can't find your way and you can't see your way, you need to be able to call on the Lord. Sometimes all you say is Jesus. But then you had those scriptures to say, you know, I can do all things through Christ. All things. Yeah.
[00:46:01] Speaker A: Jesus loves me. This I know. For the Bible tells me so.
[00:46:05] Speaker B: Cuz you got to stretch out on the word.
[00:46:10] Speaker A: You got to.
[00:46:11] Speaker B: If you know you got to.
Yes, yes.
[00:46:15] Speaker A: Stretch out on the word. Stretch out on the Word.
[00:46:17] Speaker B: I appreciate you.
[00:46:18] Speaker A: Thank you.
[00:46:19] Speaker B: I hope you know that.
You know that. I appreciate and I thank you for coming.
We're gonna do a part Two.
[00:46:25] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:46:26] Speaker B: Because this was good. It's so much more that we could, like, really get into it. So we're gonna have to do a part two, because I know this is going to help. This has helped me.
[00:46:35] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:46:35] Speaker B: And it's going to help so many people that are out there watching. So make sure you understand the importance of resting. Resting is important. It's going to help you mentally, it's going to help you physically. So help you spiritually.
So I really wanted us to talk about, about this because a lot of us are struggling and I say us because it's us included, where we are going, going, going. And you get to a point where you are burnt out. And you don't need to do that because we can't be effective the Lord if we are burnt out.
[00:47:05] Speaker A: Exactly.
[00:47:06] Speaker B: So again, I thank you and I thank you for joining us on the second row. Remember to subscribe to Follow Us on YouTube or anywhere you get your podcast as Apple Spotify or anywhere you get your podcast. Make sure you like, follow and share. Tell somebody about the Second Row Conversations podcast. Let us know if this helped you. Let us know what else you would like for us to talk about on part two. Because there's going to be a part two, I promise. I think. Subscribe.
[00:47:34] Speaker A: Is it on the screen?
[00:47:35] Speaker B: Yeah, it's going to be somewhere.
[00:47:39] Speaker A: Subscribe, please.
[00:47:40] Speaker B: Subscribe, follow, like, follow, share. Tell your friends, tell your friends, tell your family.
Right? Give us five. Five stars. Give us. Let us. Please let us know how this is helping you. If you want to comment, that'll be helpful too. We appreciate you.
And remember, no matter where you are, no matter where life takes you, get some rest.
[00:47:59] Speaker A: Get.
[00:47:59] Speaker B: Okay. That's the first thing. Accept it, embrace it and flourish it. And we'll see you next time. Thank you.
[00:48:05] Speaker A: Bye Bye.
